Canadian Dialogues

A recent assignment has my students writing scripted dialogues that share their perceptions of Canada, mostly they are having fun with stereotypes, so did I. Apparently it is common for Danes to be confused with other nations, including the Netherlands, and I tried to portray a stereotypical Canadian barroom chat. It was fun to listen to Danish students read the roles of the two Canadian guys, lots of laughs.

Two Canadians are sitting at the bar; on television is a hockey game featuring Denmark and Norway.

Guy #1: Hey, what teams are playing?

Guy #2: Two European teams.

#1: I thought Europe was like one country now.

#2: Nah, they just use the same money or something.

Bartender: Not Denmark though, theirs is different.

#1: So they aren’t part of Europe?

BT: No, they are part of the EU, but they kept their currency.

#2: Too good to change their money eh, with their wooden shoes and shit.

BT: I think that’s Holland.

#1: So what teams are playing?

BT: Denmark and Norway.

#1: Which one is the red team?

BT: That’s Denmark.

#2: They suck.

BT: I guess hockey just isn’t their game.

#2: Well if hockey isn’t their game they really suck.

#1: They play soccer or something?

BT: Soccer and handball, I think badminton is popular too.

#2: The Dutch suck.

BT: They aren’t Dutch, they’re Danes.

#1: My buddy has a Great Dane, serious leg humper.

#2: So if they aren’t Dutch and they don’t wear wooden shoes what do they do?

BT: They were Vikings.

#2: That’s cool.

#1: I would’ve thought Vikings would be good at hockey.

BT: Hans Christian Anderson’s Danish.

#1: I like Danishes.

#2: Who does he play for?

BT: He’s not a hockey player, he wrote fairy tales.

#2: If he doesn’t play hockey he’s a fairy all right.

#1: What did he write?

BT: The Little Mermaid, The Ugly Duckling, The Princess and the Pea.

#2: Speakin’ of which, I gotta pee, eh. Give me another Canadian will ya?

BT: You wanna try a Carlsberg? It’s a Danish beer ya know.

#2: Is that right? I had one of them once when they ran out of Canadian, and it wasn’t half bad. Guess them Dutch ain’t so bad after all.